The Staff of Bethlehem

At 2:20 PM on December 3, 2005, the beard of Joseph in my nativity set is glowing brilliantly. That means that I should take 22 paces down the hall and dig 2 feet down in order to find the lost "Crook of Shepherd #1." And probably about 19.5 paces down the hall I should expect one of the doors to open (perhaps on the left side) and a spy to come flying out and kidnap me and hold me for information. Then we'll both end up digging it up, and the spy will seize it and it will turn into a snake (because an ancient legend holds that the staff of Shepherd #1 was cut of the tree that was born of the seed of Aaron's staff that budded that was previously turned into snakes for Pharoah). The snake/staff will slither away, and I'll run after it until it climbs up the big tree outside the Union. Then the spy will have had time to call all her friends, and they'll come out and shoot flaming arrows at the snake/staff, until it catches on fire. Then it will explode and shoot up into the sky and form the Bethlehem star, and I'll come back to my room and finish writing my American Cinema paper.